Primates in the news

[Dave W]

John has been remiss in bringing us ape news recently, so here's something from South Africa.

"Unbelievable live footage of an entire troop of baboons destroying a holiday house in Betty's Bay, with Howard Fyvie and his friends defending the home. The house was completely locked except for one tiny window! We called the cops, we tried the owner of the house - but we were all on our own. This is what happened..."

Poo all over the place.

[Barklessdog]

That's funny. But I have a Chimp fixation. Baboons don't cut it, sorry.

I saw a special about this and it is forbidden to do anything to the baboons as they are protected. They built the town in or near their native habitat, if this Is the Same place?

[Dave W]

It's near the same place. This is an old tourist area.

[Highlander]

I would not want to go anywhere near the teeth they have...

[Pilgrim]

http://johnbeh.blogspot.com/2007/10/getting-rid-of-monkeys.html

[Denis]

I Like Monkeys

The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece.
I thought this was odd since they were normally a couple thousand.
I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth so I bought 200 of them.
I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one of drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in the genitals. I laughed. They punched me in the genitals. I stopped laughing.
I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into it's third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive; they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sort of dropped dead. Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later.
Damn cheap monkeys.
I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room; on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.
I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and one hundred ninety-nine dead, dry monkeys.
I tried to pretend that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for awhile, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad. I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in my toilet and I didn't want to call a plumber. I was embarrassed.
I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortuntely there was only enough room for two at a time, so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't go bad.
I tried to burn them, but little did I know that my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire. Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and one hundred ninety-seven dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed,
The odor wasn't improving.
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of the dead monkeys and I really had to use the bathroom. So I went and severely beat one of the monkeys. I felt better.
I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him I had a wet one. He couldn't take it either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.
I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't quite know what to say. They pretended to like them, but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals.
I like monkeys.

[Dave W]

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water. After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result - all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked. Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana.

Why not?

Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been done around here.

And that, my friends, is how company policy begins.

[Denis]

It's also how Congress functions...

[Rob]

[Highlander]

My G*d, I'm officially wierded out... I mean seriously wierded out... quit monkeying about guys...

[Dave W]

Ken, there's a whole series of Trunk Monkey ads from that car dealer in Oregon. Assuming they're not blocked in the UK, you can see them all here: http://www.trunkmonkeyad.com/

[uwe]

I like baboons, cute little critters.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=PcnH_TOqi3I&feature=endscreen

[Highlander]

The warning is clearly given... grim stuff...

Dave... viewable from here...

[Psycho Bass Guy]

Ken, there's a whole series of Trunk Monkey ads from that car dealer in Oregon. Assuming they're not blocked in the UK, you can see them all here: http://www.trunkmonkeyad.com/

The "Trunk Monkey" is a syndicated commercial. It made the rounds in this regions a few years ago and you could tell even then that it was just a generic ad with a slate for the local dealer(s) tacked on at the end.

[Dave W]

The "Trunk Monkey" is a syndicated commercial. It made the rounds in this regions a few years ago and you could tell even then that it was just a generic ad with a slate for the local dealer(s) tacked on at the end.

It is syndicated, but it was originally created for that Oregon dealership.

Anyway, since John needs something for his chimp fixation, here's a nice video of chimps at the L. A. Zoo.