You have to know a bit about Cockney Rhyming slang for this one.
Hair rhymes with Barnet Fair, so your hairdo is called a barnet
Stairs rhymes with apples and pears, so you are 'goin' up the apples'
Beers rhymes with Britney Spears, so you can hear people ordering some Britneys in East End London.
Wife rhymes with troubles and strives, so you're going home to your troubles.
This guy's Hank Marvin.