I started at the back and I'm working my way forward. Here's a real gem:
FONTS GONE WILDMe: “Thank you for calling *****, how may I assist you today?”
Customer: “Hi, I need a new computer.”
Me: “I’m sorry? You need a new computer?”
Customer: “Yeah, I just bought this one and it’s no good, it’s been hacked!”
Me: “This is software support. We can’t replace your hardware, but if you describe the problems you’re having I can try to help you fix them.”
Customer: *irritated and sighing* “Some f***ing hacker broke into my computer and put dirty words everywhere! Now I can’t even let my kids use the computer for their homework, because of the obscene language that randomly pops up on the screen!”
Me: “Sounds like a virus, do you have an anti-virus installed?”
Customer: “I have McAfee and I already tried that 10 TIMES! It didn’t even find anything! Everything on this computer is just worthless and I’m sick of–”
Me: “OK sir, please calm down so I can help you. Can you tell me where you are seeing dirty words?”
Customer: “In AOL instant messenger and WordPad. Every time I open one of them it says “ASSHOLE” on the screen!”
Me: “Where?”
Customer: “I don’t know, why does that matter?”
Me: “I’m trying to figure out what’s wrong with your machine, sir. Can you please open WordPad or AIM and tell me where you see that word?”
Customer: *grumbling* “I’m opening instant messenger- there it is! It’s not ‘asshole’ though, it’s ‘anal’- same thing! How do I get rid of this?!”
Me: “Where does it say ‘anal’?”
Customer: “When I click on my friend’s name and the box pops up, it says ‘anal’ right above where you type!”
Me: “Are you sure it says ‘anal’ and not ‘arial’?
Customer: “What the hell is ‘arial’?”
Me: “It’s a font sir; it’s spelled A-R-I-A-L.”
(At this point the customer went silent for about 15 seconds, and then hung up the phone.)
