These stubborn Irish ...

[Highlander]

How do you tell a Scotsman's Clan...?

If he has a couple of half-pounders under the kilt he must be a Macdonald, and probably answer to the name Big Mac...

Wee Jimmy, slightly the worse for wear, was standing, but only just, at the back watching the funeral of his good friend Jock and after they had lowered the coffin into the ground and the euology had been said he gently pushed his way to the front, unzipped, and started to p*ss into the grave...
Understandably, there was total uproar...
The Priest held the men-folk back and demanded an explanation for the disgraceful behaviour they had all witnessed...
"Wull... Jock hud usked ma t' pour a buttle of best Malt o'wer his grave an' a fit he wudna mind if ah passed it through ma system furst..."
To which they all patted him on the back for such a grand gesture...

[Dave W]

Gary's last joke is well known here as an Ole and Lena joke. When Lena finds out the first five words are free, she tells the man at the desk to put "Ole died. Boat for sale."

[Big_Stu]

Little known fact; it was two Scots that invented copper wire.



They were fighting over a penny that they found in the street.

[gweimer]

I got those jokes on a Scottish Vacations travel website.