How to acquire an Australian accent

[Dave W]

It allegedly involves a wombat 

[uwe]

I thought fur between your teeth made you acquire an Aussie accent ... 


That is interesting. I believed sex with wombats - widely prevalent in Australia I hear - had the furry ones regularly at the receiving end. But then New Zealanders generally muddle up instructions.





A COMPLICATED dance, a bite on the rump and ferocious backward kicks are all part of the wombat's lovemaking repertoire, a new study has revealed.

Until recently, there were no recorded observations of mating between wombats.

But the director of Nocturnal Wildlife Research Ltd, biologist Clive Marks, found that wombats were more likely than the average Australian male to emulate moves from the Kama Sutra.

Mr Marks, whose findings are to be published this week, says the first successful captive breeding of wombats was recorded in Hanover, Germany, in 1982.

"With absolute precision, details of the wombat's sex life were recorded and, surprisingly, it seemed anything but modest," he says.

"It appeared to be a physically demanding process, complete with chasing, biting, grunting and loads of heavy breathing."

Then in 1990, Mr Marks filmed the first common wombat courtship and mating in captivity in Australia, at Tonimbuk Farm in Gippsland.

"The female, after a prolonged period of copulation in the same position, broke away and began to trot in a pattern of circles and figures of eight," he says. "The male chased her, following closely behind, and then bit her on the rump."

Space seems to be the key. Mr Marks says without the "hard to get" figure-of-eight dance, the female will not allow the male to mount.

Zookeepers appear to be catching on. Mr Marks says biologists at the Western Plains Zoo in Dubbo have had spectacular wombat breeding success by modifying pen systems to permit a chase. The zoo also achieved the first recorded case of wombat twins.

[Dave W]

Obviously the Germans have wombat love figured out.

[Freuds_Cat]

Said bloke being a Kiwi, the police were able to see through his lies immediately. Apart from there being no wild Wombats in NZ, if the guy was serious he would have claimed it was a sheep.

Sex with Wombats? Gotta say thats the first time I've heard of it BUT,
"It appeared to be a physically demanding process, complete with chasing, biting, grunting and loads of heavy breathing."

Sound normal to me 

[uwe]

From a sensation aspect, that large fleshy nose could be interesting. Bet it's a little rough too.

[Highlander]

Uwe...? Mind if we call you Bruce...? It'll avoid alotta confussion later, sport...

Roight, this here's New Bruce; collects Gibsons, wotever they may be; probably some new fangled German farming implement for the ploughing competition...