Ronnie Montrose dies

[lowend1]

A friend of mine e-mailed this to me yesterday. I'm not sure of the source, but is considerably more in depth than most of the stories following the coroner's report. (Edit: written by Michael Molenda from Guitar Player magazine) Pretty heavy stuff...

>>It wasn't prostate cancer that killed guitar legend Ronnie Montrose. He beat that gremlin into the dirt, as he did so many obstacles to his career and musical expression. But Montrose, who was immensely proud of being a "survivor," simply couldn't vanquish the clinical depression that plagued him since he was a toddler.

On March 3, 2012, he sought inner peace by taking his own life. A report by the San Mateo County Coroner's Office, released on April 6, confirms the guitarist died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound.

Anticipating the coroner's findings would soon be made public, the Montrose family asked me to write this article. I was a long-time friend and colleague, and the family wanted the painful story to be told by a member of the Bay Area media that Montrose himself knew and trusted.

The family also posted the following statement on ronniemontrose.com:

"By now, the devastating truth of Ronnie's death is public knowledge. We hope you can understand why we wanted to keep this news a private family matter for as long as possible. We can only hope that you will choose to celebrate Ronnie's life, and what his music meant to you, rather than mourn his passing. Ronnie would have wanted it that way. He loved being a guitarist, a composer, a producer, and a creator of magic. He fully understood his gifts, and yet he constantly pushed himself to evolve, improve, and make better music. He did this for himself, and he did this for you, because he adored and appreciated his fans. Please keep his energy, his joy, and his love in your hearts."

Montrose did not leave a suicide note, but his wife/manager Leighsa Montrose feels he was probably always planning for an exit.

"Ronnie had a very difficult childhood, which caused him to have extremely deep and damaging feelings of inadequacy," said Leighsa. "This is why he always drove himself so hard. He never thought he was good enough. He always feared he'd be exposed as a fraud. So he was exacting in his self criticism, and the expectations he put upon himself were tremendous. Now I see that perhaps he didn't want to carry these burdens for very much longer."

The torment of self-doubt likely contributed to Montrose's long-term alcoholism. The toxicology report showed his blood-alcohol level at 0.31% when he died—almost four times the legal limit in California. No evidence of other drugs was found in his system.

"I knew I had married an alcoholic, but Ronnie was never anything but loving," said Leighsa. "He could be curmudgeonly and cranky, but he was never angry or abusive to me in any way. He definitely had a reputation for his bad temper and controlling personality when he was younger, but he'd always say that I got the best version of himself, and we were nearly inseparable. We ate every meal together. I went to every show he played."

Famously mercurial, Montrose always seemed to tank a project just when things were getting good. Factor out the depression, and Montrose's frequent conceptual and stylistic shifts seem like the actions of a true artist following his creative muse no matter what the business ramifications might be. But, knowing what Montrose was suffering through every day of his life, a different perspective arises—one of a man in constant evolution and reevaluation because he always felt he had to do much, much better.

And yet, Montrose was thrilled that 2012 was starting off on an "exponential curve." The two-year break from the guitar he took between 2007 and 2009 in order to heal from the daily, painful effects of cancer—when his loyal bulldog, Lola, was constantly at his side, dropping him "down to a good sleep vibe"—did not permanently effect his technique. He had been touring regularly since late 2009, performing solo compositions, acoustic pieces, Montrose songs, and some Gamma material. By 2011, he was truly on fire as a player. Happily, he was captured on video just this past January 27, and the release of his one-and-only DVD, Ronnie Montrose Live at the Uptown, was one of the many joys he was anticipating in 2012. There were also more tour dates stacking up, and a Montrose reunion—celebrating Sammy Hagar's birthday—slated for October.

"He was so looking forward to all the possibilities before him," said Leighsa.

But the deaths of his uncle and his beloved bulldog within three weeks of each other in January 2012 (the week before, and the week after the filming of his live DVD), put Montrose in a reflective state, and likely exacerbated his ongoing depression.

On March 2, Montrose had been drinking heavily, but he got up the next day at 8 am and made breakfast for Leighsa and her mother (who resided at the Montrose home), which was his typical routine. At 10:03 am, Montrose texted Leighsa, asking if she wanted him to bring lunch down to her design studio. As she was on a deadline, and had already arranged to meet him at home for lunch, she declined his "sweet" offer.

The mood abruptly changed when Montrose texted he was glad Leighsa had "figured it out, found the hooch, and stopped him from going down the dark path." At 11:01 am, he added, "I have the .38 in my hand and am ready to go."

"Ronnie always had a dark and bizarre sense of humor," said Leighsa. "And, at this point, I truly thought he was speaking in metaphors."

But the next text—"I'm so sorry. Still have the gun in my hand. I'm going on that voyage. I love you beyond measure"—worried her, and she immediately called him and asked that he come to her studio. He agreed, saying he would be right down.

"After about four minutes, he wasn't here, and I told my mother, 'We've got to go home—something is wrong,'" said Leighsa. "When I turned to look at my phone, I saw the last text from him. I didn't hear it come in. It said, 'I can't. I've got the gun to my head.'"

They rushed home, but it was too late. Montrose was sitting in his favorite recliner in his living room, an unregistered Smith & Wesson Model 38 Special CTG Airweight revolver in his hand, and his cell phone at his feet.

"I looked at his peaceful and calm face, and I said to him, 'You've shown me I have no choice in this matter,'" said Leighsa. "I told him I loved him. I accepted what had happened. And then I sat calmly on the couch and called the Brisbane Police Department."

Ronnie Montrose was pronounced dead by medics from Brisbane Fire Engine #81 at noon.

"My sense of Ronnie as the persistent and decisive adventurer—as well as all his music about space, flight, and travel—speaks volumes about his choice and his action," reflected Leighsa. "Seeing beyond was always what he did best. He was always breaking new ground, following his heart, his intuition, his star. And for reasons we may never fully understand, he made a choice to 'lift off.'

"If you were observant enough, you could catch him at every show noodling a bit of the melody to Led Zeppelin's 'In My Time of Dying.' The song contained the lyrics, 'Well, well, well, so I can die easy. 'Well, well, well, so I can die easy.'"<<

[uwe]

Oh my, the guy sure did have problems. RIP & emotional balance.

[gweimer]

That whole article is just heart wrenching. I've known people like that.  I have been to that dark place.

What struck me as so very odd was the fact that the author found it necessary to describe the gun in such detail.

[jumbodbassman]

that is tough one to  read.  RIP

[Basvarken]

"I looked at his peaceful and calm face..."

I find this kinda hard to fathom.
Someone who shot himself in the head is not a pretty sight.

[uwe]

I find the whole suicide scenario depiction extremely weird. He, allegedly intent on killing himself "and always planning for an exit", texts back and forth with his allegedly worried and loving wife who knows that he has a death wish. He leaves no suicide note, yet text converses and describes to her in detail that he is now shooting himself. He texts that he has a gun in his hand and she basically answers "let me just finish my work, honey, before you pull the trigger, you are joking, are you?" Not exactly the most typical behavior if you are together with a suicide candidate and have been for years or even decades. Unless RM announced putting a gun to his head everyday in which case he should have been at the funny farm.

Did the family know that he had a gun? His wife didn't seem to be to surprised when he mentioned it. Guns are maybe not such a great thing to have around if someone wants to shoot himself als Frau Cobain will tell you and even the NRA might agree. Was he under medication and in treatment?

He undergoes prostate cancer treatment, lives through it, yet shoots himself afterwards? And his wife goes on to state that we should celebrate his - obviously utterly miserable - life "rather than mourn his passing" as if he died peacefully in his bed after a long sickness as a 100 year old? That seems strangely detached for what must have hit the family like a freight train, yet she makes it sound like a logical closure of events. And if you don't mourn the death of a physically healthy 60-something shooting himself at home after having texted with his wife only minutes before, then what are you gonna mourn? 

I'm not saying that the family of a suicide candidate can really prevent his death (couple of years ago the depressive goal keeper of the German national soccer team let himself be run over by a freight train at night, leaving a note and his lovely wife and young daughter plus several unsuccessful treatments of the best sort money could buy behind) unless you lock him up and keep him sedated for the rest of his sorry life or that the strain of living with someone like that might not have everyone in his/her heart of hearts breathe a little lighter in secret "now that it is finally over", but nothing about the above story feels really right or plausible.

Uwe

[gearHed289]

Holy smokes, that's incredibly sad. How a person with loved ones can do that is beyond me. I've been to enough funerals, and I know how it feels. I wouldn't wish those feelings on anyone.