When Insults Had Class

[Chaser001]

These insults are from a time before the English language got boiled down to four letter words


The exchange between Churchill and Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband, I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."


A member of Parliament to Disraeli:  "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

[Pilgrim]

My favorite is from Mark Twain.  His response when he received a critical letter:

"Dear Sir or Madam, you may be right.

Sincerely...."

[Denis]

Bessie Braddock: "Sir, you are drunk."
Churchill: "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."

[OldManC]

Another one supposedly between Churchill and Lady Astor:

At a dinner party where they were speaking with one another, Churchill inquired of Lady Astor whether she would be willing to sleep with him for 50,000 pounds. After some hesitation, she replied that she supposed she would, in consideration of the magnitude of the offer. Then he asked whether she would sleep with him for twopence.

"Certainly not," she responded with indignation. "Just what kind of lady do you think I am?"

"Madam, I believe we have already established what kind you are," he remarked calmly. "Now we are only haggling over the price."

[gweimer]

If I recall correctly, a question posed to Woody Allen about former wife, Louise Lassiter(?):

Your former wife has been violated.

Well, knowing her, it probably wasn't a moving violation.

[Denis]

Steve Martin, in his poem "I Believe" said, "I believe we should let all foreigners in the country provides they speak the native American language: Apache."

Heh.

[Pilgrim]

After a spectacularly bad winless season by the Tampa Bay Bucs, their first coach John McKay was asked:

"What do you think of your team's execution?"

His response:

"I'm in favor of it."

[Dave W]

Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho) in Duck Soup, about Mrs. Teasdale (Margaret Dumont): "Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did."

I know, it's only a movie quote, but still a good one.

[Pilgrim]

One of my favorite Groucho quotes, Dave!

[drbassman]

Churchill: 

1.  You can always count on Americans to do the right thing...............after they've tried everything else.

2.  You don't make the poor richer by making the rich poorer.

[Rhythm N. Bliss]

Don Rickles = King of Insults.

To Sinatra in his audience while doing stand up:

"Go ahead Frank, make yourself at home--punch someone!"

[rahock]

After a spectacularly bad winless season by the Tampa Bay Bucs, their first coach John McKay was asked:

"What do you think of your team's execution?"

His response:

"I'm in favor of it."

This guy had a million good ones. During that era his comments on the sideline were the only reason people watched their games
Rick

[Dave W]

Casey Stengel had a lot of good zingers too, especially with the Amazin' (1962) Mets. Like "we're a much improved ball club, now we lose in extra innings." Or "I see new ways to lose I never knew existed before." He was the show those first few years.