What? I'm Adopted?!!

[Highlander]

The "legal" danger is the "precedent..." How about the child of a sperm or egg donor to a fertility clinic...? Eventually we will all be "on file", somewhere, and the information will be freely available, but it will not be a better place... It is good to know your "roots", your "history", from a medical perspective, let alone anything else... Closure is very important...

I consider myself very lucky to be able to trace back as far as I can, but there is an old proverb... It is a wise man that knows their own father...

[Nocturnal]

My wife and her sister are adopted. She fully considers the parents that raised her to be her true parents. She also says she has zero interest in ever learning anything about her biological parents (and I believe her because she has never brought it up in the 20+ years I've known her). She feels like they did the best they could for her by putting her up for adoption. She has always known that she was adopted and seems to be totally fine with it. I've known a couple of adoptee's that seemed very bothered by the fact that they were given up by their parents. Things affect all of us differently tho.

[uwe]

Very interesting and moving thread and I'm glad we have something like that here. As a non-adoptee (or any adoptees in my immediate circle) I can only speculate about my feelings, but I think I would want to know my biological parents eventually without wishing to upstage the place of my legal parents in my heart.

[Barklessdog]

I have a friend who was adopted, his father got a Japanese girl pregnant, which caused her great shame, so she came to the US to have the baby, then put it up for adoption. Somehow he found her, called her and she told him to never call her again. She recently died and to his surprise he was her only living relative and inherited her house in Malibu!


I had a horrible family upbringing, abusive father, mentaly ill mother. Many times I wish I were adopted by another family.

[OldManC]

She recently died and to his surprise he was her only living relative and inherited her house in Malibu!

I had a horrible family upbringing, abusive father, mentaly ill mother. Many times I wish I were adopted by another family.

Maybe that'll make up a little for the slight of not wanting contact. Maybe the cultural background would explain it some. I'm sure it still hurt, but maybe not as personally.

In all seriousness, I'm sorry that your upbringing was troubled. Hearing you talk about your life would never have given me that impression though, so it seems you were able to build a better life than the one you were given. I commend you for that. Many people with far less hurtful disadvantages never make that leap.

I've had a few close friends over the years who were adopted. That common trait always created a bond that allowed for some interesting conversation. Another thing thing we share is the absolute knowledge that the family we were raised with is our family, for good or bad. My family might have grown a little bit when I met my biological parents (who are not together) and liked them enough to continue contact, but they never have nor ever will take the place of my Mom and Dad. Uwe, I think you've got it right...

[Barklessdog]

I try to leave it in the past. The biggest challenge I had was not to repeat my parents with my own children. We went to a lot of family counseling to be trained on how to be good parents. I had no idea on how to raise a kid, I certainly was not going to be like my father. I confronted him when he was dying with cancer about his behavior and he still would not apologize or explain it.

People spend a lot of money for dog training but don't do anything to learn about raising their own kids.

My brother's son (my nephew) got a girl pregnant in highschool, they put her up for adoption. They ended up with an open adoption, where all the families are allowed to interact. So she has 8 grandparents, a lot of cousins and she even takes trips with her biological father & grand parents. She is surrounded with a lot of love.

[godofthunder]

Very interesting and moving thread and I'm glad we have something like that here. As a non-adoptee (or any adoptees in my immediate circle) I can only speculate about my feelings, but I think I would want to know my biological parents eventually without wishing to upstage the place of my legal parents in my heart.

While my parents were alive it never entered my mind to look for the biorents, my brother felt the same way also. Mom and Dad were well................ Mom and Dad ! Only long after they passed and there was a period when my brother would not talk to me for a couple of years, I felt very isolated I though well maybe I should look for our birth parents. Cath always wanted to look after Charlotte was born................... for the family history stuff. I did get a lot of back ground and social work reports about my biorents but nothing really meaning full. Truth be told I was very sad that no one had inquired about us. Bimom was just 16 when she gave birth. Adoption not a big deal for me................................. a twin brother now that's another story!

[Lightyear]

One thing that I have always thought about kids that were adopted is that the adopting parents really wanted these kids.  I also have to believe that, even many years ago, the prospective parents were screened in some fashion - I know that today the scrutiny is intense.

Reading John's post made me think about this and my family and upbringing - I feel grateful for what I had.  While we had plenty of rough spots we knew we were loved and well provided for - though no one could say we were spoiled.  I had it worse than quite a few kids but looking back on it on I think I had it better than many.

I work with a guy, early to mid fifties, that just adopted 3 year old twins that he and his wife had been fostering - this is love and commitment and these kids are in for a really good life.  They have already raised three of their own.