What? I'm Adopted?!!

[OldManC]

Scott mentioned in another thread that he was adopted, and I was surprised because I didn't remember it coming up before. I was adopted too, so I'm always interested when I find others who were. Uwe mentioned something I also have an interest in and Scott asked a little about my situation, so rather than jack the other thread I thought I'd start a new one.

Scott, I immediately thought of your brother as well. I'm glad you guys weren't split up. Kudos to your mom and dad for taking you both! As for me, My story is (in a nutshell) this:

My parents had six daughters. My mom reached the age (43) where the doc said not to get pregnant again, so they decided to adopt. My parents were very open with me about my being adopted and I mostly avoided any hangups about it. I remember seeing some TV movie as a kid that chronicled the horrible life some kid thought they had because they were adopted and I thought it was the dumbest thing I'd ever seen. My parents were the people who loved and raised me. Who took me to the doctor and dentist all those years and made sure I went to school. Who sat up with me when I was sick and kicked my butt when it needed kicking. I love my parents and miss them every single day since they've been gone.

But, in another instance of life taking such interesting twists and turns, in my 20's I became acquainted with my birth mother, and after that my birth father. That time was actually the one era in my life where my being adopted got a little weird for me. I felt really guilty about having any type of relationship with them at all, because it felt like I was somehow betraying my parents. At the same time, it was amazing seeing my facial features on another person... Luckily, they both were very respectful of my 'space' and let me call all the shots. It took a few years before I worked through that weird feeling and sort of put everything in its place.

I've often been amazed at the similarities I share with my birth parents. That being said, I'm also very much like my parents (my father especially as I get older). That whole nature/nurture thing is something I have first hand experience with!

Like Scott said, it's an interesting life...

[godofthunder]

George wow thanks for sharing your story. I have to keep this short I am headed out the door to a gig. My folks were very up front about us being adopted, I still remember the story they told of our adoption, one of my earliest memories. A few years ago I looked for our birth parents but no one had registered looking for us, I did however get the complete social workers report on our birth parents....................... Interesting reading ! Like you George being adopted has never been a issue, just how things were. More later

[Highlander]

As I posted in Scott's thread, I'll not repeat it here, but my mum-in-law never thought of her "real" mum as "mum"... her 4 daughters always thought of their "gran" as the real one, even post finding the "real" one... anyway, having a Belgian stepdad with the name Van-Damme (probably no relation?)sounds much better than Swane...

The American side of the family's story is neatly twisted (much more than I'll put into print here - more "soap" than any soap I've ever heard of... honest...!) and we never knew of it until the reunion in 2003 (my wife's first return to the USofA since 2 weeks before JFK's trip to Dallas) and her uncle started to look awfully sheepish when a family friend came out with the stories...
My wifes US grandma was pregnant when they married, not with the husbands child. Her grandfather loved her gran and raised the child as his own, and the 2 sons they eventually had of their own... the family are all dark haired, except for my wife's dad, who was nearly a foot taller than all the rest, and blond... just the tip of the iceberg...

[pamlicojack]

I was adopted.  My parents never hid that fact from me.  My mother had a miscarriage in the early 60's and was told she couldn't have kids after that, hence I was adopted into their family.  A few years ago when my wife and I were talking about having kids I decided to start a search for my biological parents (for medical histories) and was told that the records were sealed by Catholic Social Services.  I was given a few facts about them, but no identification information.  To this day I still can't get any medical records or any information from CSS without a lawyer.  I now have three kids and found out after their births that they all carry beta thalassemia.  I had no clue that I was a carrier.

My 'legal' parents have never been anything but wonderful to me and my sister (also adopted) and I don't have any hard feelings towards my biological parents for putting me up.  I do have a bit of an issue with CSS for not revealing more information.  I would like to at least know my backgound and possibly a name, but I don't really feel like working too hard to find this out at this time.  I have mixed feeling about it...

[Dave W]

My wifes US grandma was pregnant when they married, not with the husbands child. Her grandfather loved her gran and raised the child as his own, and the 2 sons they eventually had of their own... the family are all dark haired, except for my wife's dad, who was nearly a foot taller than all the rest, and blond... just the tip of the iceberg...

Did her grandparents have a neighbor named Ferd Berffle? 

[lowend1]

Did her grandparents have a neighbor named Ferd Berffle? 

You bet your bippy!

[Highlander]

Plain livin' Kentuckian mount'n folks...

When we were taken up into the hills where the old "farm" was (AKA "Deliverance") we passed a sign that had the family name on it, and I suggested dropping in on the way back... turned out to be a 1st cousin of her uncle's that he hadn't seen since childhood... loads of gran'kids in the yard, and he had the classic oily baseball cap, bib'n'braces overalls, and a shotgun over his shoulder... got some great family shots that day (with the camera, of course) ...

(Someone put me out of my misery... Ferd Berfle...? a USAism...?)

Jackie's uncle lived in a "dry county", but had a bottle of "the real thing..." which he made me try... quite shocked to find that it tasted as smooth as a top of the line single malt... 

[Dave W]

Ferd Berffle was a character in an ongoing Laugh-In skit called The Farkel Family. Ferd was the Farkels' next door neighbor and best friend. All the Farkel kids had red hair and freckles and wore glasses, just like Ferd, and  nobody seemed to notice.

[lowend1]

And for this pop culture reference, Dave receives the Flying Fickle Finger of Fate award.

[Pilgrim]

I suspect Dave of being distantly related to Sparkle Farkle.

[Dave W]

Sorry, I shouldn't have injected this into a serious thread.

[lowend1]

I was adopted.  My parents never hid that fact from me.  My mother had a miscarriage in the early 60's and was told she couldn't have kids after that, hence I was adopted into their family.  A few years ago when my wife and I were talking about having kids I decided to start a search for my biological parents (for medical histories) and was told that the records were sealed by Catholic Social Services.  I was given a few facts about them, but no identification information.  To this day I still can't get any medical records or any information from CSS without a lawyer.  I now have three kids and found out after their births that they all carry beta thalassemia.  I had no clue that I was a carrier.

My 'legal' parents have never been anything but wonderful to me and my sister (also adopted) and I don't have any hard feelings towards my biological parents for putting me up.  I do have a bit of an issue with CSS for not revealing more information.  I would like to at least know my backgound and possibly a name, but I don't really feel like working too hard to find this out at this time.  I have mixed feeling about it...

This is a subject that is chock full of conflicting and complex emotions. You are wise to tread carefully, because your own feelings may (understandably) surprise you down the road. In 1964, my sister got pregnant at 18 and out of wedlock. As I'm sure many here will know, attitudes toward the subject were far different then, and the child (a girl) was given up for adoption through Catholic Charities. As a four-year-old at the time, I knew nothing - and actually didn't find out about it until I was in my twenties. Without getting too far into a complicated situation, I'll say that contact was initiated from the other side, and we were all very excited about the prospect - but things are never that simple, and the situation rapidly deteriorated. However, I'm glad that the contact was made and that some measure of closure was achieved, but it was at considerable cost to those who were personally and directly involved.

[Highlander]

We have a partially similar but multi-generational story, but too many people living to go further... let's just say that if someone wrote the script it would get thrown back as "just plain unrealistic"... a future writing project... just the names to be changed...

[Barklessdog]

This is a subject that is chock full of conflicting and complex emotions. You are wise to tread carefully, because your own feelings may (understandably) surprise you down the road. In 1964, my sister got pregnant at 18 and out of wedlock. As I'm sure many here will know, attitudes toward the subject were far different then, and the child (a girl) was given up for adoption through Catholic Charities. As a four-year-old at the time, I knew nothing - and actually didn't find out about it until I was in my twenties. Without getting too far into a complicated situation, I'll say that contact was initiated from the other side, and we were all very excited about the prospect - but things are never that simple, and the situation rapidly deteriorated. However, I'm glad that the contact was made and that some measure of closure was achieved, but it was at considerable cost to those who were personally and directly involved.

That happened in our family as well. I do not remember her being pregnant. She recently found her son and got aquanted with him. She started getting too close and he eventually told her he did not want her contacting him. Its sad as it was her only child she will ever have/ had.

[OldManC]

She started getting too close and he eventually told her he did not want her contacting him.

There are so many emotions and dynamics that come up when even thinking of contacting the biological 'side'. The attorney that handled my adoption was my maternal uncle. When I was 16, my mom had him mail me whatever information he had so I would have that option if I ever wanted it. It was interesting but I didn't do anything with it until I was 18. Then I got kind of curious and ended up speaking with my biological mother over the phone. Once. As far as I was concerned, that was all I needed. She, being pretty cool and very respectful of my family, waited until I was 23 before contacting me again and basically saying, "It's time", while asking if I wouldn't mind exchanging pictures and letters. Even after we met in person 18 months later she always let me set the pace.

I've gone back and forth over the years as to what I'd advise others in that situation to do. Though my story ended well, it's a bell that can't be 'un-rung'. I just wish the law would catch up with the times in this particular area and allow for some means of contact for those adults who might want it.