The Last Bass Outpost
Main Forums => The Outpost Cafe => Topic started by: Dave W on July 14, 2008, 04:38:22 PM
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Anyone who's worked retail or customer service should appreciate this (http://notalwaysright.com/and-we-wonder-who-clicks-on-spam/928).
I just discovered it today. The whole blog is about retail and service people sharing customer stories. Some funny stuff --at least I can laugh about it since I no longer have to deal with it. 8)
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I just had the best laugh in several days going through a few of those.
The hotel bill was the best.
Followed by "Because he's not a black hole".
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Hilarious stuff throughout. Have the boss bend light ...
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LOVE THIS ONE
(A woman came up to my register today and began putting her items up on the counter. All of a sudden, she stopped to listen to the pet store advertisements that we have playing all day in the store. The ad mentioned donations would prevent unnecessary euthanasia in animals at shelters.)
Woman: “What would they do with the euthanasia?”
Me: “The donations would help animals find homes so they wouldn’t use euthanasia unless it was absolutely necessary.”
Woman: “What do euthanasia have to do with it?”
Me: “Well, euthanasia means putting them to sleep.”
Woman: “They’re killed?”
Me: “Essentially.”
Woman: “I thought that was just a rumor.”
Me: “…what?”
Woman: “So do they eat them?”
Me: *so confused* “…the vets?”
Woman: “No. The kids.”
Me, perplexed: “…kids?”
Woman: “In Asia!”
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I started at the back and I'm working my way forward. Here's a real gem:
FONTS GONE WILD (http://notalwaysright.com/fonts-gone-wild/255)
Me: “Thank you for calling *****, how may I assist you today?”
Customer: “Hi, I need a new computer.”
Me: “I’m sorry? You need a new computer?”
Customer: “Yeah, I just bought this one and it’s no good, it’s been hacked!”
Me: “This is software support. We can’t replace your hardware, but if you describe the problems you’re having I can try to help you fix them.”
Customer: *irritated and sighing* “Some f***ing hacker broke into my computer and put dirty words everywhere! Now I can’t even let my kids use the computer for their homework, because of the obscene language that randomly pops up on the screen!”
Me: “Sounds like a virus, do you have an anti-virus installed?”
Customer: “I have McAfee and I already tried that 10 TIMES! It didn’t even find anything! Everything on this computer is just worthless and I’m sick of–”
Me: “OK sir, please calm down so I can help you. Can you tell me where you are seeing dirty words?”
Customer: “In AOL instant messenger and WordPad. Every time I open one of them it says “ASSHOLE” on the screen!”
Me: “Where?”
Customer: “I don’t know, why does that matter?”
Me: “I’m trying to figure out what’s wrong with your machine, sir. Can you please open WordPad or AIM and tell me where you see that word?”
Customer: *grumbling* “I’m opening instant messenger- there it is! It’s not ‘asshole’ though, it’s ‘anal’- same thing! How do I get rid of this?!”
Me: “Where does it say ‘anal’?”
Customer: “When I click on my friend’s name and the box pops up, it says ‘anal’ right above where you type!”
Me: “Are you sure it says ‘anal’ and not ‘arial’?
Customer: “What the hell is ‘arial’?”
Me: “It’s a font sir; it’s spelled A-R-I-A-L.”
(At this point the customer went silent for about 15 seconds, and then hung up the phone.)
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We are going to the back door again, are we?
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We are going to the back door gain are we?
Wait for it...
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Wait for it...
Don't hold your breath, Uwe's probably asleep by now.
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Don't hold your breath, Uwe's probably asleep by now.
I was referring to the West Coast contingent.
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Ah, I see.
Here's another one just for John.
I’ll Take A Double Entendre With A Side Of Innuendo (http://notalwaysright.com/ill-take-a-double-entendre-with-a-side-of-innuendo/443)
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"I was referring to the West Coast contingent."
Honestly....... ;) You guys say the nicest things!
Reading some of the quotes in this thread just echos my job in a frightening way.
Our quotes to survive with:
"People are stupid"
"Seattle Lighting, creating alcoholics since 1917"
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I really can't leave you guys unattended, can I?
:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
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No, you really shouldn't..................We're all pervs. :)
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Poor taste and general lack of decorum is enemademic here.
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"enemademic"
Really?!.......................Uwe. Is that like enema territory?
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This looks photoshopped to me, but I thought it might be appropriate here: :P
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v104/davepix/humor/familyplanning.jpg)
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Here's a good one from the latest batch of new posts:
From Runaway Bride To Ex-Wife (http://notalwaysright.com/from-runaway-bride-to-ex-wife/1070)
(A few years ago I was working at a video store when there were still late fees, and this exchange occurred after I scanned a couple’s rentals:)
Me: “Okay, sir, with the late fee from your last rental, your total is $9.50.”
Husband: “What do you mean a late fee? I ALWAYS return my movies on time, so you need to remove that late fee right now!”
Me: “Well sir, you returned–”
Husband: “I said I ALWAYS return my movies on time and you need to remove that late fee right now! I’m not paying this!”
Me: “Then you won’t be renting these movies tonight. All late fees must be paid before renting again.”
Husband: “I’m NOT paying this, so you better take it off now!”
Wife: “What movie is this late fee for anyway? We ALWAYS return our movies on time!”
Me: “This is for Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts. You rented it on the 6th and it was due on the 11th, but you didn’t return it until the 15th. ”
Husband: “Oh yeah, that’s right, we never got around to watching it. I’ll pay for it.”
Wife: “We never rented Runaway Bride and I was out of town on the 6th.”
Me: “Well, ma’am, it’s showing that Jennifer rented the title.”
Wife: “Who is Jennifer?” *pauses and her face becomes red* “Oh, that b***h!”
(The wife proceeds to slap her husband, take the keys and drives away, leaving her husband in the store.)
Husband: “Well, I guess I deserved that, huh?”
Me: “Sir, you put your mistress on your account?”
Husband: “Yeah, she likes movies…”
Me: “You are aware that she could have opened her own account for free, right?”
Husband: “Oh s***, really?”