The Last Bass Outpost
Main Forums => The Outpost Cafe => Topic started by: patman on June 10, 2015, 10:23:22 AM
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Seems I just retired from the music business...stressful job, horrendous bad marriage, playing music way too much (getting like a job-one that pays chicken-shit)...all have me run down big time. The stress had to give somewhere or i'd be dead soon...I can't control stress from my job or wife, so the band had to go (I can control it)....
Told them I'd stick around as long as it takes (I don't want to hurt anyone-especially some of them need the money-I don't). It's like 9 years of work going down the tubes--really awesome music that I really like-- (as well as 32 years of marriage and my retirement savings-potentially half of it)...everything is in free-fall it seems like...
Not a good place right now, but hopefully it will eventually straighten out one way or another. I can still strap on a banjo and play in the back yard for fun. Assuming I still have a back yard in the future.
Thanks for letting me bend your ear.
Pat
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To put it with a great Southern philosopheress:
(http://www.google.de/url?source=imgres&ct=tbn&q=https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/fc/6f/a5/fc6fa57c512728747da7f5502b1c46b3.jpg&sa=X&ved=0CAUQ8wdqFQoTCKGy5IrihcYCFUu8FAodqWQAYQ&usg=AFQjCNFEq4rS9_lnu8lFhBGhBQJ8y4jt1A)
You've been at music too long to kick it. And not playing it causes withdrawal symptoms quickly.
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"horrendous bad marriage" seems like the first thing to eliminate...or is THAT going to improve?
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Bummer... hope it straightens out...
If your out with the banjo, watch out for strange fellows with bad teeth carrying round a big barrel...
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Sorry to hear you're going through this.
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Nope marriage will not improve...whatever is wrong it's "ALL MY FAULT, I need to fix it"....this tells me that it is probably not fixable...
Played a 2.5 hour show last night at a shopping mall. Had a good time. Had good sound...everything was right.
Maybe I eliminated the wrong thing out of my life...I made an "offer" today, that I would continue if...no Sundays, one rehearsal per week and one gig per weekend...if there is a mid-week gig, then no rehearsal that week. Keeping my fingers crossed. In order to continue, it has to become a little more like a "hobby" once again.
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Hope it all works out man. It's usually cheaper to keep 'er, but you gotta think about your soul over your bank account sometimes. Easier said than done...
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Maybe I eliminated the wrong thing out of my life...I made an "offer" today, that I would continue if...no Sundays, one rehearsal per week and one gig per weekend...if there is a mid-week gig, then no rehearsal that week. Keeping my fingers crossed. In order to continue, it has to become a little more like a "hobby" once again.
Sounds wise to me. I can tell you that even what you outline is more time than I would be willing to invest in playing. I have too many other things - including my wife - that I need to spend time on. One gig a month would be the most that I would commit to.
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One to two a month would be my ideal. I like to play enough to keep the band really good.
Last week we played Saturday Night, Sunday night and last night. Guitard wanted to rehearse Friday night on a weekend that was open.
That's when I put my foot down. I need a weekend away.
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All those brown M&M's are such a pain...
The careful balance between a peaceful life, common ground, and the hobbies... keepin' 'em crossed...
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you cant quit rock and roll, its in your soul, sometimes you have to pull back from it for a bit to find yourself but the mojo will come find you
I hung up my bass at 30 figuring I'd given rockstarhood my best shot and missed,
got real successful doing video shows for other bands
ten years later I had had enough of the toxic circus of playground politics that showbisness is at the pointy end and started a new life as a care worker working in a local special needs school,
one of the jobs I got given was helping a lad teach himself guitar
5 years later the school has grown, i run the music department and spend my Fridays getting paid to play and using Otis reading and nirvana to help kids who cant make eye contact with each other co-ordinate together to rock out
and its the best job I've ever had
my point is, if you're deep enough into music in the first place, quitting is just kidding yourself. it'll come back knockin on that door
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^
Great post.
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+1
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NAMM got real pissed off at me when I wrote an editorial called "Music As An Addiction."
I went on to compare it to a drug and how most musicians will spend their last dime to continue their music addiction. Many are content for it to cost them money to perform. Most parents and guidance counselor a would not recommend such an occupation and call it "lucrative." And for those who try to stay strong and hold out to actually be paid for their work, there is always a competitor who will underprice you. Managers, labels and club owners usually try to overcharge and underpay you to keep you on the hook. Then your music addiction often destroys your romantic life.
And when you finally reach rock bottom and say "enough," you quit, sell off your gear at a loss and try to forget. But after awhile you forget the bad things that made you stop and you buy new gear and start the cycle all over again.....like a damn junkie out of rehab.
The NAMM President personally called me to ask if I was out of my mind to publish that. I told him I thought it was fairly accurate. They often hated my editorials.
Sorry to hear of your fallout. Most every band eventually implodes. I figure the cycle lets the artist lean on his art and his lover, alternately. Hard to balance both and commit 100 percent at the same time.
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I feel for you. I too have decided it's over...I got a
$750,000 record deal when I was 21 and thought that if I worked hard for those previous 3 years, I could do it again... problem was...Chicago didn't have the musicians...oh there were some lame attempts....but usually it was ego or someone else just falling to pieces... It's taken too much of a toll on me... I missed so many opportunities to actually have a normal career because I thought I could "make it"... What a f***ing waste....everyone my age has either made it, quit..or plays in a wedding band...I'm done... i'm out...What the hell is the point of having Kick ass Thunderbirds and other gear when all it is doing is sitting in the case???
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It's Just going to take a while to attempt to recoup My money that I have invested in gear... sucks...too Old to Rock N Roll...Too young to die....
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You maybe too old to die young, but you're never too old to rock n' roll.
It's an addiction alright. I've seriously stopped twice and became a miserable grumpy ol' man at the ripe age of 30 and 40 years old respectively. I've had a much easier time kicking soft drugs, that was just a habit apparently.... :rolleyes:
So as far as I'm concerned it comes down to: Keep feeding the vein or prepare to shoot your brains out ........... ;) I'm in a hobby band playing some 5 to 10 gigs a year with people who annoy me to no end most of the time because they can't be bothered to put in the work outside our weekly band practice, but hey it's better than no band at all .........
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Jon's post made my mind tick over... fully agree... it is an addiction, as is the potential for alcohol or ciggies, which are just as much an addictive drug as more notorious items, but then so is being a petrol-head, or any form of collector; that obsession many of us suffer from, whether at some low or high level... it can be multiples... an "addictive nature" can bear fruit in any way, shape or form, and we have plenty of you here... ;)
I remember some liner notes I wrote for a low-level release I was on some years back... "it was never going to make any money, but it was fun while it lasted..."
The best we can hope to attain is that it's fun while it lasts...
Jon... post the article if you can... might be quite entertaining to see the reaction... :mrgreen:
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Patman, Do what you have to do for now, but if it's in your heart like I think it is, you'll be back.
When I was a young tadpole, about 13 or 14, I was a very violent person. As a diversion I started lifting weights and getting in to sports. This had some positive effects, but now I was much more physically fit and when I had my violent outbursts I was even more dangerous. I discovered music and life got a lot better. It gave me a creative outlet that was very good for my head. Over the years I've picked it up and put it down several times. The violence thing has long disappeared, but I still get kind of uptight and stressed out sometimes, and picking up the music always brings my head back to a better place. I get away for a while but I always come back ;D.
Rick
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Pat,
Hope you are finding a balance. I stopped gigging about 3 years ago after my marriage fell apart. I still play but I really miss gigging a lot.
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I know how you feel. Music was a huge part of my whole life. It helped fill a gap, and fulfilled a deep desire. My bad marriage was "only" 27 years. I was the last person to see how bad life really was for me.
So...I got divorced. I stopped playing, for many reasons. I still love music, but my heart isn't in playing anymore. There were too many negatives, including some physical limitations, that took a lot of the joy out of it. I lost about 80 lbs. over the past 4 years. I have an incredible woman in my life, whom I love more than I ever thought possible to love a single person.
Patman - take care of your soul first. Everything else will start coming together once you work on that. Trust me. I've been there.
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Music can be many things to many people. I applaud the journalistic freedom to express a valid opinion in said article but it is a bit bleak. To me music is a passion and a discipline that has the potential for both beneficial and sometimes negative consequences.
Patman, best of luck navigating through your adversity.
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My Band, which was gigging every couple of months had a meltdown between the guitarist and the singer who plays guitar about-you guessed it- the singers guitar playing.Now we are recording our set .1 night a week we go over to our drummers studio to lay tracks down - the guitarist is going to over dub his parts .If nothing else it will serve to define and tighten up some of the parts-anyways it got me thinking(A)Im too old for this crap-why is it not obvious to them that they are being dipshits?(B)If i dont have a creative outlet, long term im just not happy.(C)anymore than one night a week and the Mrs. is not happy.(D)Its been like this since i was 17 ,who knows how i will feel about it in the future but for now i sure think about it a lot.On a slightly more positive note its sounding pretty F@#$ing good! Anyway, finding what works for you is the important part i reckon.
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Music is rarely the problem. Sorry for your troubles, glad you brought them here, I like to think of it as our pub without beer........................well we can bring our own right?
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For my wife, music is not the problem...only the convenient excuse.
Thanks to everyone for their perspective.
Scott, I'm of Czech ancestry...we pretty much don't do anything without having a beer in our hands. It's tradition. I call it "pre-game" when I play.
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Sorry for the digression but this calls for Slim Dusty
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8E0aZ387M_I
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Music..for me..is the only place to go when there's no place to go....and I've had my share..
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Whose round is it anyway...?
Mine's a malt... :toast:
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HKD_o4gbcSE&list=PLA53053C83BB21AF7&index=12
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmbOqORIvWM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMlUT6hTlP0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1sDTTRjncY
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www.youtube.com/watch?v=vb_P46gNf_k
www.youtube.com/watch?v=wq1BSyvvhmw
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this guy is pretty much 'ultra neck'. certainly tries hard enough. i like traditional country more and more when i hear brainless macho crap like this hear.
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Agreed. I'll take this over the poppish "bro-country" crap though >:( If I listen to country at all I prefer Hank, Ernest Tubbs or something similar.
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love Ernest...especially love Flatt and Scruggs, and Willie Nelson...in Cincinnati, "Young Country" (crap two chord rap music for white folks) has taken all of the places to play...kind of like the end of the line for people who appreciate a melody, and know enough music theory to play the correct changes...
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Nothing country about so-called bro country or young country. Poseurs with phony accents, that's all.
Drinking songs? I could probably put together a four-hour playlist from my collection.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7o2OuxsmPRU
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Ah!!!!! I have to SHUT UP......How can any musician ever "QUIT"?????????
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I play twice this weekend...it's not done yet, but I have absolutely no idea whether the "No Sundays" and one gig a weekend has been accepted by the band. I would probably give on the one gig a weekend, if they gave on "No Sundays"...I work a lot...I need one day for myself.
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I play twice this weekend...it's not done yet, but I have absolutely no idea whether the "No Sundays" and one gig a weekend has been accepted by the band. I would probably give on the one gig a weekend, if they gave on "No Sundays"...I work a lot...I need one day for myself.
You are achieving wisdom. One day isn't enough for me on an average weekend, but it would be a great start for you.