Easy there, Bryan... the "system" is what allows you to hold those views...
I recommend an old bass, taken 3 times a day, and played violently (preferably with friends of a consenting age, not necessarily of the same gender)... if the problem persists, strip the instrument, respray in something garish and LOUD, allow to dry, reassemble, then repeat original prescription... that should see you back to normal in no time...
I know this may be
quite shocking if it has not crossed the water, but...
This is called "selling your soul..."
It happens...