Bassist needed in Austin

[Dave W]

http://austin.craigslist.org/muc/3115741996.html

Texas Country Band Seeks Functioning Alcoholic to Hold Bass

Date: 2012-07-03, 2:50AM CDT
 Reply to: w7rwj-3115741996@comm.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
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We are an established Texas Country band looking for a functioning alcoholic who can hold a bass.

A little about us:
We've been at this about five years now, have a couple albums out, a couple singles that have done well on the Texas charts. We play primarily around Texas, a few out of state runs every few months.

Pay is industry standard for a middle level country band, and by the show.

Your responsibilities would be: you stand on stage with a bass. You don't fall over. After the show, you don't vomit in the van. On the night of a typical show, you are not in prison, and thus able to stand on stage and hold a bass. Some of you have asked if you would actually be required to play notes on said bass. The answer is, no. We've experimented with this in the past, and it created a number of problems. We recognize that having a five piece country rock band with no bass is a bit suboptimal, but we're realistic enough to know you don't always get exactly what you want. In fact, any sort of familiarity with the bass, or, more generally, music, is actively discouraged. Much as one would not distract one's designated driver by a donning a hat made from an empty bud lite case and screaming in their face will driving down an interstate, so too do we think it unwise to present the distraction of playing music to one who ought to be focusing on his core competency; i.e., standing on stage holding a bass, without falling over.

Pro gear is optional. Any gear at all is, in fact, optional. If you own something that might be a bass, we can work with that. If you don't but have access to something like a broom or a large piece of cardboard, we'll take you into consideration. If you think a bass cabinet is the closet you store your bass in ... hit us up.

We've had some inquiries asking if there is any "wiggle room" on the "functioning" part. In this context, "functioning" means: A) you have two hands; and B) you can remain vertical for 90 minutes on a typical Thursday, Friday, or Saturday evening, sometimes as few as 45 minutes, occasionally as long as 120 minutes; so, after some consideration, we're going to have to say that, no, we are going to have to remain firm on the "functioning" aspect of "functioning alcoholic." Apologies.

Thanks, and we look forward to hearing from you.


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 PostingID: 3115741996


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[gweimer]

That pretty much sounds like my initiation into country music here a few years back.  The funny thing is that my complete lack of knowledge of anything country turned into a benefit.  I took a rock and Motown approach to the songs and everyone seemed to like it.

[jumbodbassman]

not sure if i should laugh or cry....

[Highlander]

Lemmy should apply...

[Pilgrim]

Ya don't s'pose they've had a few negative experiences with bass players, do ya?

[leftybass]

Ya don't s'pose they've had a few negative experiences with bass players, do ya?

I swear I never met those dudes.