The Last Bass Outpost
Main Forums => The Outpost Cafe => Topic started by: OldManC on July 12, 2010, 08:09:54 AM
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Cheating spouses, that's what!
I don't want to go too much into a tear because I could write pages right now (and I know there are many reasons for how and why it happens), but wow, talk about feeling like shit...
So my boys and I are on our own. The wife moved out and is juggling two boyfriends right now who have no idea the other exists. Talk about a tempting prospect in letting them know about each other! :mrgreen: Can't do it though because I'm trying to be on my best behavior until I have it all on the dotted line. As piss poor a replacement for a mother as I may be, they'll be FAR better off with me than she who refuses to grow up.
For those of you who put stock in good thoughts and prayers, I would really appreciate and could use a few right now. This place is my home away from home and though I've never actually seen most of you in the flesh (that was for you, Fraulein ;)) , you guys mean a lot to me.
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George, I'm so sorry. Good thoughts sent your way.
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Damn! Yes, this does suck! I'm very sorry to hear this. Sounds like you have your legal angle lined up - you can not be too cautious. Just be careful and watch your back.
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George, I am really sorry to hear about this. You and your sons will be in my thoughts and prayers. Best of luck to you and you know we are here for you.
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Man I'm really sorry to hear this. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your boys.
As hard as it is, try to take the high road and stay positive and cordial with her for the sake of the kids. It'll get easier with time. Try to focus on the things you love in the meantime- your sons, music, etc...
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Thoughts and prayers...
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Wow, I was prepared for some comment about work (or lack thereof...). I'm sorry for what you must be feeling like. It will be a difficult process, but you'll get through it, and you and your boys will be just fine in the end. Hang in there buddy!
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Thanks guys. You rock.
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Thoughts & prayers sent. Wow that really sucks George. I just can't imagine any mom doing that to their kids. Obviously her priorities are not the children.
Custody is such a hard battle for the father. A buddy of mine just gained custody of his kids, so I hope you will be able to do the same.
I know you must be a great & dedicated father, they are lucky to have at least one responsible parent.
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Hang in there George.
No matter how dark the night, there will always be light again
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George,
I'm very sorry to hear this, I know you'll take the high road thru and always be true to your sons and family difficult tho it may be, when it's proper to view this in retrospect you won't have any regrets. Having been thru a divorce I understand what it is that you're going thru, lean on your Faith, family and friends, we want you to. Your sons are very lucky, you are their Father.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, if you ever need to talk, I'm a PM away anytime.
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thoughts and prayers, hey btw you rock too dude! hang in there.
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It's probably the last thing you have on your mind last now and we're all not saints, but resist compulsion to scorch the earth. Families are intricate systems. I don't know what possessed your wife to do something like this, but one day you will at least want to understand and your children too. In the meantime, listen to as many misogynist rock tracks as you can. Start with Purple's Mistreated, then move on to Sabbath's Evil Woman. Cleanse your system and speak a lot with the kids.
Uwe
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Wow. Hang in there. Believe it or not, things could be worse (I know a couple in Illinois that has worse problems).
I also can't believe Uwe is referencing just about the only cover song ever recorded by Black Sabbath. It was only available here on an obscure import.
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pm'd
In our thoughts...
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I know, I think it was from some Dutch band. I always liked the bass run to it. It was on the European version of Sab's 1st. I once covered it in my first band.
Back to George, no one's physically hurt and the kids have a dad to talk to and scratch their little heads at. It's important now that they don't see themselves as the cause of all this.
I'm not inclined to give macho advice on marital matters. My first wife had an affair 10 years ago - with an opponent attorney to boot, real Hollywood drama, I even liked the guy! We didn't separate at the time (and I did not "get even", that is too adolescent to me), but only seven years later. We gave it a try for the kids and I'm glad we did, it didn't work out in the end, but not for the affair which - like most affairs - was a symptom not a cause. Today I look back at it with a wry smile. Which is what you will do too sooner or later, Herr Carlston!
That said, we should have never allowed that rib thing, it did get out of hand!!!
Uwe
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My thoughts are with you, I know you're going thru hell. +1 on Uwe's scorched earth comment. Your sons won't forget who had their best interests at heart.
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Jeez, I'm sorry. As if life wasn't difficult enough. I will offer no advice, as it seems you have your head in the right place already.
So - Sabbath recorded "Evil Woman" AND "Lady Evil"...
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George, few things hit one harder than this. It sounds like you have a clear head and are working through it as well as you can. Take care of the kids, don't burn any bridges you don't have to, and be good to yourself and those kids.
We'll be here for you.
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Sending some banana-flavored positive energy just for you George! RAWK ON
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Hang in there George! Same thing happened to me 15 years ago. Wife was going to a lot of baby showers and started staying out later and later. Found out (about the boyfriend) and took my almost 12 year old with me. I got custody of my daughter in the divorce and eventually met the woman of my dreams and married her March 1, 1998. (I had a few flings before that though! Hey, I was still (relatively) young at 34)
I felt like shit too. Even went and tried to confront the guy but left in a hurry when he came out wielding a 9mm. She was not worth it. We did become (sort of) friendly years later but sadly she passed away 3 years ago this month. My daughter is now 26 and is married herself.
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oh man that does suck and im so sorry that you have to go through it all.im sure you will do your best for your kids but whatever s&%t happens she will always be their mother and maybe one day find a way back to a better relationship with them.keeping busy and playing the crap out of my bass helped me not dwell on my last breakup too too much..
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She was not worth it.
Regarding this and all the advice to keep a clear head; you guys know exactly what's up. I have a nephew whose wife was fooling around on him so he retaliated in kind and she then used that to begin to clean his clock in a divorce. He ended up snapping and unloaded his Glock on her. Their two children are now being raised by their grandmother and my nephew is a guest of the state of Utah for most likely the rest of his life. He's 39 now. That's a looooong time for him to think about the stupidity (and horror) of his actions.
Last year when the first affair happened and she was feeling (or feigning) guilty, she cried about not blaming me if I did the same thing to her and I didn't have to think at all before I told her she wasn't worth it. Why should I ruin my kids life and my own because she was being an ass?
Looks like we'll meet with the mediator this week or early next. If it goes the way we've already discussed we'll have an agreement and it'll be binding. All we'll have to do then is wait out the court to finalize it. Just like a band-aid (I hope)...
Thanks guys. Really. These messages and the PMs I've gotten remind me there are people out there who don't hate my guts (then again, you only know me through here). :mrgreen: I have a wonderful extended family who have also been calling and sending emails and messages. With all you guys pulling for me I know I'll get through this sooner or later!
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Hang tough, George! Yeah, that SUCKS Big Time. Alas
Look on the bright side tho--It's Summer & there are a lot of fine available women out there in their underwear er bikinis!!!!!!!
Good vibes headed your way & prayers being said....
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George...............................what can I say? I am so sorry for what you are going through. Keep your focus on your kids, as hard as it is for you it must be even harder for them. Take the high road, you'll be hanged for anything less. My thoughts are with you and your boys.
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hard times for sure but it sounds like you're doing all the right things. all of my sisters (3) have gone through the same thing and while it does get pretty dark at times, the sun eventually rises again. keep doing right by your boys and take care of yourself, too.
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Hang Tough Amigo. Don't forget the the fact that you just walked in to fight that someone else started. You are going to have to get nasty. Be ready for that.
Rick
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Hang on tough mate. Just give the kids all your love. Don't know how old they are but it's important that they understand and are convinced it's not their fault.
Best luck.
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George - I just read your Blogspot post and it brought a tear to my eye. Having been through this twice myself, your pain and disapointment is not lost on me. Stay cool - it will do you and the kids a world of good in the end. It does get better, just takes some time. Not much else to be said, just know that you've got someone rooting for you up in the great, white north.
Good vibes sent bro ......
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Hey! Sorry to hear what's happened. As one who's been there many years ago I just wanna say "good luck". My ex-wife did a runner with my young son many years ago, but she brought him back to me not long later (her new guy wanted his own family) & then cut all ties with him. She's missed his 18th, his 21st & his graduaution. 18 years later & he's never heard a word from her.
This has brought us incredibly close, so much so that many of his college pals thought "I was the coolest Dad ever" :mrgreen: , He's now grown up and we're still best buds as well as father & son & like has already been said, "he knows who's been there for him all his life". I'm not saying your ex will do the same, but your sons will remember how you've been their rock.
I'll be going to see him next week for a few days, just the two of us for a few "boy's nights out", without partners. There's a bar in Edinburgh with 28 bourbons, we've always reckoned we'll drink our way across it, never managed it yet, because we always settle on Buffalo Trace.
Cheers to you my friend, I know you'll do the right thing. You have all of our support & you know where we are whenever you need us.
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George, you know what definitely sucks? All those horny divorced women on online dating sites. My recommendation once you've reorganised your life to move forward without your wife, is to dive into online dating and have lots of fun. Worked for me. And you never know, you might even eventually meet the woman of your dreams while you're enjoying yourself - I did.
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Hey George sorry to hear you have to go through this kind of crap. You certainly come across as the type of person who genuinely doesn't deserve to have to deal with it. Most of my sentiments have already been said by others but I did have a laugh at how hard people have struggled to keep this topic on subject out of respect for you ;D
Our thoughts are with you mate.
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George, you know what definitely sucks? All those horny divorced women on online dating sites. My recommendation once you've reorganised your life to move forward without your wife, is to dive into online dating and have lots of fun. Worked for me. And you never know, you might even eventually meet the woman of your dreams while you're enjoying yourself - I did.
They indeed suck! :P You sir are hornier than I have thought.