"Define" serious METAL musicians...
1) No room for any more tattoo's on any part of your skin, and I MEAN any...
2) Having a wart transplanted to your face...
3) Having the words "Place Pussy Here" tattoed to the inside of your lips...
4) Having a subdermal cucumber implant to the inside of your upper thigh (or maybe a marrow, for the more adventurous...)
5) Spending at least $1000 (it goes without saying that they would have to be American, or at least pretending to be) on your hairstyle, to make it look like you just got out of bed...
Go on, think up some more cliches, I know I can...
Please note that in no way can you mention musical instruments at any time...