I retired from the music business yet again

[patman]

Seems I just retired from the music business...stressful job, horrendous bad marriage, playing music way too much (getting like a job-one that pays chicken-shit)...all have me run down big time.  The stress had to give somewhere or i'd be dead soon...I can't control stress from my job or wife, so the band had to go (I can control it)....

Told them I'd stick around as long as it takes (I don't want to hurt anyone-especially some of them need the money-I don't). It's like 9 years of work going down the tubes--really awesome music that I really like-- (as well as 32 years of marriage and my retirement savings-potentially half of it)...everything is in free-fall it seems like...

Not a good place right now, but hopefully it will eventually straighten out one way or another.  I can still strap on a banjo and play in the back yard for fun.  Assuming I still have a back yard in the future.

Thanks for letting me bend your ear.

Pat

[uwe]

To put it with a great Southern philosopheress:



You've been at music too long to kick it. And not playing it causes withdrawal symptoms quickly.

[dadagoboi]

 "horrendous bad marriage" seems like the first thing to eliminate...or is THAT going to improve?

[Highlander]

Bummer... hope it straightens out...

If your out with the banjo, watch out for strange fellows with bad teeth carrying round a big barrel...

[Dave W]

Sorry to hear you're going through this.

[patman]

Nope marriage will not improve...whatever is wrong it's "ALL MY FAULT, I need to fix it"....this tells me that it is probably not fixable...

Played a 2.5 hour show last night at a shopping mall. Had a good time. Had good sound...everything was right.

Maybe I eliminated the wrong thing out of my life...I made an "offer" today, that I would continue if...no Sundays, one rehearsal per week and one gig per weekend...if there is a mid-week gig, then no rehearsal that week. Keeping my fingers crossed. In order to continue, it has to become a little more like a "hobby" once again.

[gearHed289]

Hope it all works out man. It's usually cheaper to keep 'er, but you gotta think about your soul over your bank account sometimes. Easier said than done...

[Pilgrim]

Maybe I eliminated the wrong thing out of my life...I made an "offer" today, that I would continue if...no Sundays, one rehearsal per week and one gig per weekend...if there is a mid-week gig, then no rehearsal that week. Keeping my fingers crossed. In order to continue, it has to become a little more like a "hobby" once again.

Sounds wise to me.  I can tell you that even what you outline is more time than I would be willing to invest in playing.  I have too many other things - including my wife - that I need to spend time on. One gig a month would be the most that I would commit to.

[patman]

One to two a month would be my ideal.  I like to play enough to keep the band really good.

Last week we played Saturday Night, Sunday night and last night. Guitard wanted to rehearse Friday night on a weekend that was open.

That's when I put my foot down. I need a weekend away.

[Highlander]

All those brown M&M's are such a pain...

The careful balance between a peaceful life, common ground, and the hobbies... keepin' 'em crossed...

[wellREDman]

you cant quit  rock and roll, its in your soul, sometimes you have to pull back  from it for a bit to find yourself but the mojo will come find you

I hung up my bass at 30 figuring I'd given rockstarhood my best shot and missed,

got real successful doing video shows for other bands

 ten years later I had had enough of the toxic circus of playground politics that showbisness  is at the pointy end and started a new life as a care worker working in a local special needs school,
 
one of the jobs I got given was helping a lad teach himself guitar

 5 years later the school has grown, i run the music department and spend my Fridays getting paid to play and using Otis reading and nirvana to help kids who cant make eye contact with each other co-ordinate together to rock out

 and its the best job I've ever had

my point is, if you're deep enough into music in the first place, quitting is just kidding yourself. it'll come back knockin on that door



 
 

[westen44]

^
Great post. 

[Highlander]

+1

[mc2NY]

NAMM got real pissed off at me when I wrote an editorial called "Music As An Addiction."

I went on to compare it to a drug and how most musicians will spend their last dime to continue their music addiction. Many are content for it to cost them money to perform. Most parents and guidance counselor a would not recommend such an occupation and call it "lucrative."  And for those who try to stay strong and hold out to actually be paid for their work, there is always a competitor who will underprice you. Managers, labels and club owners usually try to overcharge and underpay you to keep you on the hook. Then your music addiction often destroys your romantic life.

And when you finally reach rock bottom and say "enough," you quit, sell off your gear at a loss and try to forget. But after awhile you forget the bad things that made you stop and you buy new gear and start the cycle all over again.....like a damn junkie out of rehab.

The NAMM President personally called me to ask if I was out of my mind to publish that. I told him I thought it was fairly accurate. They often hated my editorials.

Sorry to hear of your fallout. Most every band eventually implodes. I figure the cycle lets the artist lean on his art and his lover, alternately. Hard to balance both and commit 100 percent at the same time.

[Bionic-Joe]

I feel for you. I too have decided it's over...I got a
$750,000 record deal when I was 21 and thought that if I worked hard for those previous 3 years, I could do it again... problem was...Chicago didn't have the musicians...oh there were some lame attempts....but usually it was ego or someone else just falling to pieces... It's taken too much of a toll on me... I missed so many opportunities to actually have a normal career because I thought I could "make it"... What a f***ing waste....everyone my age has either made it, quit..or plays in a wedding band...I'm done... i'm out...What the hell is the point of having Kick ass Thunderbirds and other gear when all it is doing is sitting in the case???